I wrote this in one of my journals a little over a month ago. It has become even more relevant for me in the past few weeks.
6/3/18 "Sarcasm" I don't want a genuine relationship. I just want what the world things is a relationship: kisses, hugs, holding hands, piggy back rides, dates to the movies, falling asleep on each others shoulders. These are all temporary. I mean, why would something lasting be practical anyway? I like the idea of a relationship, but I don't want the commitment. I'm bored, so I want a simple fling to keep me occupied. Nothing real, nothing lasting, nothing genuine. Just something that I can have fun with, and after a few months I'll forget it ever happened. Yep, no commitment. I don't have to worry about spending the rest of my life with that decision because it'll be over with in the blink of an eye. Totally forgettable. Nothing important. Nothing truly beautiful and lasting. Nothing real, nothing incredible. All that takes work. Just give me the easy, fake junk. That'll do.
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Most girls dream of having a boyfriend, and being in a relationship. I've been there plenty of times. I'm only 15 and I've already got a Pinterest board dedicated to my wedding. But this past year has been eye opening where guys are concerned. Now, I'm sure you've heard plenty of Christian girls talk about how they intend on staying single until they're old enough to consider marriage. You may think, "Most of these girls have never been in a relationship, so it must be easy for them to wait. How would they know how awesome a relationship is? Maybe if they knew, they'd change their minds." But a few months ago, I made the decision myself, and it wasn't that hard. I have also had a boyfriend before. The last few months of singleness have been eye opening, and have helped me realize that I am not ready for a relationship in this stage of my life.
Let's start at the very beginning. Last June/July, a boy (we'll call him Peter) was talking to my dad before I even knew he was interested in me. When my dad told me about this, I was a bit nervous... and excited! You see, I had never been in a romantic relationship before, and the whole endeavor was completely novel. The next week, "Peter" and I discussed our feelings for each other, and soon we were courting. Our parents were very involved in everything, and despite the stigma around the words "boyfriend/girlfriend," we didn't really know what else to call each other. This was not only our first relationship, but the first relationship out of all our friends and peers. There was a lot of pressure to be the example and set the standards for not only our younger siblings (as we were both the oldest siblings) but to our friend groups as well. We were together for almost a year, and it's been about 3-4 months since the breakup. I was the one to end it, and I feel awful because I really hurt Peter, and it ruined what could have been an amazing friendship. I see where I went wrong; where we both went wrong. There are so many things I would change if I could, but the past is in the past. It still hurts, but I've had so many new opportunities. A relationship is very time consuming, and I have been able to use my time as a single girl to spend precious moments with God, my family, and my friends. I've been able to focus on school more, and thus, better grades. I've learned more about myself that I realized, and been able to dedicate time to study the Bible and work towards my goals. I've been able to dedicate my time as a single girl to God, and no relationship could ever fulfill the joy I have in Him. I had heard from so many people to cherish these years, and now I really know what they're talking about. I have so much more to live for than a boyfriend. Sure, I have some really great guys in my life, but I'm not interested if I can have God's joy. My life doesn't revolve around a relationship with a boy. It revolves around my relationship with the Lord, who knows everything about me, even my future. Now how attractive is that! |
AuthorHi, I'm Abigail! Welcome to my blog. Hope you enjoy! Archives
August 2018
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